The Art of Sharing

Its been awhile since I've posted anything, so consequently it feels as though I have a huge backlog of entries. 

This year has been very different since I was never in one location for longer than 5 weeks. Its been like a roller-coaster, constant shifting of gears as I went back and forth from being a student to a teacher, living a laid back kingston lifestyle to a highly coordinated Torontonian life...part of a small close community to a more dispersed one...

The dispersed community. I think that is what my community is when I'm in Toronto. Toronto makes it difficult to have the same sort of community that I've come to experience in Kingston. There is nothing like living with your best friends, living in walking distance from the rest of the community where you experience and shared genuine care and love ... it's almost an utopia,.. a glimpse of heaven. Some may disagree, but compared to life in Toronto, where the busyness and distance seems to be major hurdles to overcome, you can't really cultivate a lifestyle where you can meet up with someone spontaneously, walk next door to just chill for a few hours, study together until the week hours of the night at the library, etc... the list can go on. 

Hence, there's a certain fear about adjusting back at home and experiencing some sort of withdrawal of this sweet student life, but at the same time, I want to embrace and hope that I will be able to make the most of life back at home. 

At church, they've again attempted to start small groups. There's no doubt that there is an understanding that community is a vital element in being a church and that our church especially lacks it. So I was apprehensive the start of small groups because for some reason, it has always "failed." People went, but the sense of community wasn't built. 

However, this time around, I'm hopeful... actually, I'm almost ecstatic. The new approach is drastically different from the past, to the point where it makes people uncomfortable. I love it!

The small groups will be taking on a "dialogue" style, where rather than being based on the traditional Bible study (not that they are bad! no, no), people are encouraged to reflect, listen and share. What does it mean to reflect, listen and share? huh??

Exactly. 

The small group is doing something totally countercultural of our society today, where people don't reflect, listen to what people are really saying, or share honestly and vulnerably with each other anymore. Instead, we've become extremely intellectual and factual, so much that we even approach God, the Gospel and His Word very intellectually. Not that taking an intellectual approach is bad or wrong even, but I truly believe it goes way beyond our intellect. God commands us to love Him with all our hearts, all our souls, all our strength and all our mind (Luke 10:26-28). As our North American middle-upper class society has become more intellectual, so have we, those of us who are of the same socioeconomic class but call ourselves Jesus Followers. Its become a foreign concept to really listen to the other and invite them with undivided attention without having our thoughts wander about what we will be having for lunch after or if we have something stuck in our teeth. We don't share about how we truly feel, let alone know the reasons behind what we feel. What has happened is that we've lost the ability to really connect with ourselves, God and others with our emotions, our spirits... our hearts, the very method that is required to experience genuine and deeper love.... relationships.... community.

So, this is what our church has started to attempt: learning what it means to really listen, to reflect on what we feel and the reasons for our feelings, and to share freely about things that may be completely our own and cannot be traced back to some sort of article, intellect or "I heard that..."

So one might ask, do i feel closer to the people in my small group? no, not yet. I haven't been around enough nor has the small groups been running for very long now... but I know we're on the right track.

Does it mean that everyone will have this kind of intimate and real relationship with each other? No.

But it doesn't and not everyone may experience this. However, it does create room for those relationships to take place... room for God to work, to build, to grow.

that being said... PRAISE GOD!

I know and believe that He is at work!

Thoughts

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways, 

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and snow come down from heaven, 

and do not return to it

without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it..." Isaiah 55:8-11

I've struggled (and still in the process of) with this passage for the past day or so. 

It's one of those passages that I've come across time and time again, and each time, it seems to convict me stronger. Although I would say that it is one of the passages that I hold dear, I've forgotten about it and haven't come across in in a long time. 

But oh what timing... 

How often do we hear only our voices within our heads? our voices of pride, selfishness, ignorance, doubts, fears, insecurity that are masked so often by a false sense of righteousness, portrayal of independence, and self-proclaimed "i'm ok". How often do we realize that our thoughts are not all that we are to consider, but rather, we should be seeking God's? 

I've been ignorant of God's voice, His thoughts. I've been consumed in my own. I've forgotten just how much greater is his and his ways. Why do I try so hard on my own?

This passage struck me in a new way today. His thoughts and ways are not only much much loftier than mine, but at the end of it all, it is HIS thoughts, HIS ways, and HIS words that will be brought forth into being. Hence, my thoughts and ways are useless in comparison because in the end, His desire and purpose will be accomplished... not mine. 

And that is a promise. It's painfully humbling but hopeful. 

 

I Need Words

I haven't blogged in awhile. I find it a lot harder to formulate words to write when I'm not at the greatest of places,... hence no posts. It's hard enough to admit that things are not the greatest. Half of the time I probably say that "I'm fine" even to those who I know that really care not because I want to hide but mostly because I don't know where to start explaining. 

I'm feeling very stagnant.

Perhaps I'm tired with this year's instability with all the traveling between two cities, constant switching of gears of being a student and being a teacher,.. Perhaps it's adjusting to changes in lifestyle, communities, stage of life... 

Whatever it is, David Crowder's "I Need Words" seems to express something resonates with me... 

I need words as wide as sky

I need language wide as this longing inside

And I need a voice bigger than mine

And I need a song to sing you 

That I've yet to find

I need you, oh

I need you

I need you, oh

I need you

To be here now

To be here now

To hear me now

To hear me now

Same lesson

This past year has been an interesting one for me.

In many ways, it has been enriching, challenging and even pinnacle to some extent, but it has also been quite tiring and draining, mostly due to being constantly on the move. Particularly, it has been hard to commit to a community, a spiritual community. Even during my undergrad, it was somewhat challenging as I often found myself trying to love and serve both communities in Toronto and Queen's. However, this year has made it even more difficult to do either. 

This has created a longing for more of a community, a place to serve and more importantly, a place to grow and be challenged in my walk. I've been taught and reminded of this over and over again (it's definitely in competition with "trusting God," "surrendering to God," and "loving God above all else," lessons) of just how important community is. As much as we spend that time with God in our own personal time, that time spent in fellowship with other believers is so crucial. It's the place where we can put into practice the things we learn (follow up our faith with deeds), be tested of the Christ-like character we are to develop, use the talents and gifts we've been given, and most importantly, experience God and all of his love, mercy and power. 

I long for His presences amongst his believers. I can't wait to be back in one place and not move around for a bit. 

No wonder Scripture emphasizes so much the importance of keeping the peace and love of Christ within the body. 

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col. 13:12-17

My Rock

"You have forgotten God your Savior;

you have not remembered the Rock, your fortress.

Therefore, though you set out the finest plants and plan imported vines, 

though on the day you se them out, you make them grow,

and on the morning when you plan them, you bring them to bud,

yet the harvest will be as nothing

in the day of disease and incurable pain." Isaiah 17:10-11

Every now and then, I find myself on rocky grounds. I panic as I feel the ground beneath me slowly crumble and scramble to grasp something stable. After a moment of scrambling and grasping onto useless things, I remember that God is the Rock on which I am to stand on. Especially now with job & grad school applications and just even thinking about the future, it is overwhelming in many sense. Fear and anxiety becomes part of me. 

But all that I fear for the future will turnout to be without God as my Rock. There are things that I can control and things that I cannot and only God can. My faith is tempted to shake at times but I know and believe that God is able. Its just a matter of remembering and allowing Him to be God in my life. hence.. no more with the fears and anxiety. He fills me with peace.

As the passage above says, the harvest will come out to NOTHING without God as our Rock.

And so what if things don't turn out amazing immediately?! Everything I've been given and all that I have accomplished is a result of God who has been SO gracious and faithful. Life is short, I don't want to waste it complaining over things that I have no right to complain about, fearing things that are not part of the reality of now, or restricting God's work in my life because I chose not to trust Him.

So many of my friends are in the similar position, but I hope they too can see just how much God is able to do, but more importantly as CHILDREN of GOD, He looks over us with love that does not waver despite situations. 

I need to remember that my life is His. and all that it is in it... thus, no worry. no fear.

only HOPE.

"Show me, O Lord, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

Each man's life is but a breath." Psalm 39:5

Spoken through song

Lately, i've been pretty moved by songs more than usual. 

"Breathe on Me" is like a cry from my heart and a proclamation of who He is and who I am in Him. I've heard the following song somewhere else before but I can't recall. But it made me stop in the middle of my work and just felt God saying those words to me. I believe He is wanting to sing this song over all of us:

I Will Not Take My Love Away

Matt Wertz

I will not take my love away

When praises cease and seasons change

While the whole world turns the other way

I will not take my love away

I will not leave you all alone

When striving leads you far from home

And there's no yield for what you've sown

I will not leave you all along

I will give you what you need

In plenty or in poverty

Forever, always, look to me

And I will give you what you need

I will not take my love away

Breathe on Me

Todd Fields

Find me here, in this place

Son of God, Saving Grace

At this hour, all my days

Breathe on me, breathe on me

Morning star, shine your light

As I walk through this life

God of power, God of might

Breathe on me, breathe on me

Forever

You are the reason for living

Merciful Savior unending

Breathe on me

Forever

You are the God of my story

Write every line for your glory

Breathe onme

When I'm weak, You are strong

Your breathe in me will be my song

In you my King, I belong

Breathe on me, breathe on me